The Top 10 ways to get yourself unfollowed on Facebook

A few months back SMMI Advisory Board member Jeff Turner spoke in San Antonio at the and decided that he wanted to mix things up by using the late night talk show format, complete with monologue and Top Ten list. Jeff reached out to me to do the latter. Just to explain why he asked me, I’ve been performing and writing comedy in one form or another for 15 years – it’s what originally brought me to Southern California and I still perform and work to this day. In fact, it’s how I met my wife Jennifer. Here’s a pic of me performing:

I was honored that Jeff asked me to write a Top Ten list for him, and after we brainstormed a bit via email, we decided on “The Top 10 ways to get yourself unfollowed on Facebook”.

We all have different standards for building our networks online in terms of what stuff we’re OK with and what makes us cut people from our list. Yes, the list I wrote is meant to be a joke, but like any good joke, there are many elements of truth to it. Without any further ado, here’s the fruit of my labor as it was performed as a part of Platinum Top 50’s “Social Media Live with Jeff Turner” event:

Top 10 ways to get yourself unfollowed on Facebook:

10. Constantly talking about how much better MySpace was
9. Typing your status updates in all caps – NOTHING IS THIS IMPORTANT!!!
8. Posting too many pics from your vacations – especially the one where you got food poisoning and didn’t leave the bathroom
7. Creating a fan page for your cat
6. Not creating a fan page for your cat
5. Hosting clothing-optional “Poke” parties
4. Referring to any currency as “Farmville Tokens”
3. Joining the “I’m secretly a murderer” Facebook group
2. Using your status updates to post chapters from your “Twilight” fan fiction

And the number 1 way to get yourself unfollowed on Facebook…

1. Inviting me to your Open House when I live two time zones away

That’s my time, Ladies and Gentlemen – good night!

Tags: , , , , ,